I went to an Arab-American comedy night and there was a Muslim guy making a joke about being in high school football.
"I was hit so hard, I saw Jesus. Do you know how hard you have to be hit to see somebody else’s god?"
This is what jokes about religion are supposed to look like.
what do we say to the god of death?
me: sean bean is that way
I’m not even in this fandom, but hearing this made me feel so much better about life
I’d love to punch you right now but the prime directive clearly states that primitive species should not be interfered with until they reach a certain level of maturity in their evolutionary tree.
Did you just burn someone in Vulcan?
No, they burned them with Federation Law.
The potatoes have escaped
No, Because they are nobles in revolution-era France and will be guillotined.
parents: i want the truth
me: *tells truth*
parents: nope youre lying wrong answer
you have no idea the lengths I went to to find this gif set.